North State Parent magazine

What Some Parents Do

After attending a parenting class and discussing this topic with other parents, Cynthia, a single mom, was delighted she finally found the time to write up a list of chores for her three kids, ages 6, 8 and 11.

She posted the list on the refrigerator door and proudly announced that she would pay them to complete their chores. Her 6-year-old daughter was delighted. Her assignment, to empty the trash cans daily, provided her a real sense of accomplishment...for a day or two. A few days later, the trash cans full, her daughter became more interested in annoying her brother than earning an allowance.

Cynthia's 8-year-old son yawned and balked at his chore: cleaning out the cat litter box. At first he claimed he was allergic to kitty litter, then later admitted that money didn't impress him, since his father gave him whatever he wanted anyway.

And Cynthia's 10-year-old son? A born entrepreneur, he saw this as an opportunity to buy some things he wanted. He did the chores with enthusiasm for the first week.  Then he bounded into the kitchen one day and announced he wanted $3 more for doing the dishes. Cynthia said, "It doesn't work that way Honey." "Then I'm not doing them anymore," he replied.

Notice how each child responded differently but the outcome was the same. In all three cases, eventually Mom was still left with a household of uncompleted chores.

Tying allowance to chores is a danger zone.  Wise parents avoid this trap by keeping allowance separate from chores. Chores should be considered contributions kids make to support family life together. Kids should do chores because they are part of a family, not because they are paid.

An ‘Ah Ha' Money Moment

Justin didn't get any allowance, so he decided not to give his kids an allowance either. Only later when Justin's kids were teenagers did he realize the consequences of depriving his children of the responsibility of managing their own money.

When his 16-year-old daughter went to Washington D.C. on a field trip, he gave her some spending money, enough to last the ten days in our nation's capital. On the second day, his cell phone was full of pleas from his daughter to send more money, because she was "staaarrrvvvinnnggg." She had already spent all of her money on presents for her family...and oh, yes, on Johnny, her boyfriend because his grades were too bad to go on the trip.

At that point Justin realized that it is his obligation as a parent to teach his children about managing their own money, or else he might get stuck with his kids' money problems for the rest of his life!  These practical lessons are not taught in school. In addition, he thought: "If I don't start teaching my kids to spend and save their money wisely before they leave home, the credit card companies are going to get to them first!"

Melissa's Secret to Success

Melissa's children were 7 and 12, and to teach her kids about money she knew she needed to give them access to it. If we give our kids equipment to learn how to play sports and markers to learn how to draw, then it makes perfect sense to give kids money to practice to learn how to use it wisely.

Melissa reasoned that her kids had a lifetime to learn how to earn money, but only a short time at home to learn how to manage money wisely. Their lives would be much happier and more successful if they learned financial self-reliance from someone who truly had their best interests in mind.

So she gave her kids a weekly allowance as "practice" money. She made it clear to them the money was theirs to spend as they wished as long as their choices were in keeping with the family's values. This "family values" stipulation covered all sorts of potentially inappropriate spending choices.

The benefits of Melissa's allowance plan paid off immediately. When her 7-year-old son begged for the latest game for his handheld device, she suggested he save his allowance money and pay for it himself, the same response she gave her 12-year-old daughter when she just had to have the latest application for her cell phone.

Trips to the stores become easy and stress-free. Melissa has an answer for every "I want," or "Can I have?" request. "You are welcome to save your money for that," she says with a smile.

For tips about how much allowance to give and how often, and age-appropriate chores charts, check out the book I have co-authored with Jim Fay, Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats? Love and Logic Solutions to Teaching Kids About Money.

If not allowance to teach kids how to earn money then what? Next issue: Teaching Your Kids How to Earn Money without the Chore Headaches.

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